In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
