wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
