My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
