moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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