The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
