so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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