Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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