We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
