I'm drive I can fine osifer
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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