I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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