Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
