The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
