the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
