you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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