Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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