Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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