WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
