The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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