distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
