I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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