my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
