I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
