is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
