I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
