i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
