dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
