who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
