I hate all girls vehemently.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
