Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
