You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
