OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
