so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dick very happy bro
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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