last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
