I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
