I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
