The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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