I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
