WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
