i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
