So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
