I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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