We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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