i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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