His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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