It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
