Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it was like eating out sand paper
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
