Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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