If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
