According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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