Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
