Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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