the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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