hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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